Do you feel you’re reaching for something just outside your grasp? Are you living a spiritual life but unable to secure happiness and financial success? Let me ask you a question; Do You Feel Worthy to receive those gifts?
Recently, a friend of mine did some deep introspective meditative work and came to learn how feelings of worthiness impact her life. I wanted to share an excerpt from an email she sent me on her insights regarding Worthiness!!! Enjoy!!!
At my woman’s group that I go to, yesterday we did a meditation where we went back to before we were born…to when we were just a light being. And the question we had to ask is “Why did I come into this lifetime?” The leader of the meditation kept saying “I AM” and asked us to see what came up. The word that popped out and brought me to tears was “Worthy”. It was HUGE for me to say “I AM WORTHY.” I realized that I don’t feel that way at all. Talk about a HUGE light bulb moment! But that was the message I got…to know that I am worthy and to spread that message to others. But that I can’t do that if I am not LIVING MY TRUTH NOW.
So just today, I was watching an inspirational podcast and while watching it my immediate response was to think “I am not like those people. They are above me”. They are rich, beautiful, privileged and making money off of their gimmicks’. And I also could hear my ex-husbands voice saying some of those exact things to me this past year regarding my appearance, etc. So, I felt resistance and resentment to the changes that they were suggesting, because I equated it to “ego thinking” instead of ‘spiritual thinking.’ But then it hit me…because I don’t feel worthy enough to be able to become this… that’s why I am so unhappy!
If I want to be happy, I can still be spiritual (I NEED to be spiritual), but I also NEED to get on board with a better human existence. I came here to live my life as a human, to help others and to be the best human being that I can be. I can’t be any help to others if I feel discontent and unhappy with myself! So I have shied away, out of fear, to change into a healthier, more energetic human being that is financially stable because I equated it with all EGO. I have equated all of the positive changes that my ex-husband has made in the last couple of years due to his EGO. And, some of it could be that, but he is also spiritual and now seems very happy as well. Where I have been anything but happy!!!
SO…this has been a huge eye opener for me from yesterday and into today. I think the only way to feel more worthy is to step out of the fear and to start to do the things that I know will make me feel better. I think I tend to “hide” in the spiritual costume that says if I do things to better myself tangibly, then I am in the ego world, when really it is the human world. And we are all in it.
And it is my EGO that has been stopping me from doing this because I think if I do make myself more financially stable and healthier then my ex-husband will think I took his advice. Now how sick is that?! So I have been stopping myself from growing this last year to prove him wrong in some twisted way! I have felt very unworthy since the divorce and especially since selling my business. In his own way my ex has been trying to encourage me, but I refused to listen to anything he had said to me because I equated it with him thinking that he is better than me.
The point is that I need to be the one to believe that I can be healthy, happy and financially secure and still be a spiritual being. “That I am worthy to have that and it won’t make me less worthy to have it all.” It still hits my gut hard for me to say or think that. Because, for some twisted reason, (past life perhaps?) I feel it ingrained that to be a good person you have to be poor. YIKES!
And I know that when you channeled that reading for me previously, you said that the message in this pain was that my ex and I weren’t together for a romantic marriage…but to learn other lessons. And I think that this was a major lesson he was trying to teach me, but I couldn’t accept it, coming from him. We had too many EGO issues and shadow sides that appeared in our relationship during it. In fact at present it is almost like we reversed roles in the past several years. He gained immense self confidence and his whole demeanor and personality changed. He is doing things now that I suggested to him for years but he couldn’t do it because I suggested it. It wasn’t until were splitting apart that he started to do them. While I feel like I slipped into the depression and reclusiveness that he always had. So, it has really boggled me as to why I lost my self confidence and sense of who I was. I feel like I have been hiding behind a spiritual excuse! It also occurred to me that may people might actually be doing the same thing in a way.
Anyway… I firmly need to install this belief into my hard drive instead:
I can be in the human world as a healthier, happier person who is financially secure without having a huge EGO because of it. But I can’t be a person who can make a spiritual difference, if I am hiding in the shadow of a spiritual excuse while living in a human world. This is my new mantra for sure!!!
As Marrianne Williamson says, “there is no use in playing small”. Who am I NOT to be a financially stable, healthy energetic person who does make a difference?!
I just know that I can’t keep in this energy pattern any longer. That I have to dig myself out of this depression and sense of lack. It’s not doing anyone a service. Especially me any longer!
So, thank you for your push Mark! It has made a huge impact on me and woke me up!
I hope that this message from my friend resonated with you and that her insights might help you dig deeper and Live Your Truth Now! It’s always a good reminder that we are ALL WORTHY, RIGHT NOW!